I love television.

It's no surprise to anyone.

It doesn't mean I'm lazy. Or a fritterer. Or a couch potato.

It's just how I like to unwind.

I veg in the evenings and let the day seep out of my pores while I watch and let my brain go to auto-pilot.

Here's what's on :

Has anyone seen Dating in the Dark?

(No? Just me and Steve?)

What a stupid, stupid show.

And yet, I can't not watch.

What a really, very stupid idea.

Clearly concocted by a creepy, ugly person.

Or a perv who just wants to see how many pathetic people he can get to make-out with strangers within an hour of meeting them...in the dark.

The last few minutes are really what's entertaining. When they stand on the balcony to see if their "true love" will join them. It makes me laugh (and wince) when they get rejected and watch their date leave through the "other" door.

If you haven't seen it, you should. T.V. has gone somewhere sad with this show. Pure rejection and humiliation at its finest.

To the contestants:

1. Don't kiss each other. You could be kissing a real cootie and won't know it till it's too late. Your excuse that "You can tell a lot about a person by how they kiss" is lame. You can tell more about a person if they won't kiss a perfect stranger. Call me old-fashioned.

2. Men, if you refer to one more woman over 130 pounds as "thick," I'm gonna reach through the screen and wring your necks. Your faces gives me the willies, so where do you get off calling a perfectly normal sized woman "thick"...oh, and the fact that you're even on the show...beggars can't be choosers, buttheads.

3. Don't wear plaid when you're going to be "revealed." Plaid. Really?

4. What are you wearing make-up for? You're in the dark. Doi.

5. Don't take food with you on your dates. Feeding each other is creepy and weird and just real creepy. So stop.

6. If you're ugly, don't even try to get on the show. Then, not only will you be humiliated...but you'll be humiliated in front of the 600 people who are actually watching the show. (Including me. Cuz there's nothing as satisfying as watching a guy who thinks he's the poo getting dumped on public t.v..)

I am of course, super happy that they brought another season of Hell's Kitchen back so soon after the last one ended. What a nice surprise. Though, I think Gordon is losing his gusto. He only called one girl a "STUPID COW!" last week.

And I'm very happy that they're giving us two seasons of So You Think You Can Dance this year.

I hope Jeanine wins.

Brandon is a strange little muscle man that I've never enjoyed watching. His solo music always scares me.

I like Evan. But he won't win.

And the blonde girl is really good, but I'm not feeling the love. But if it's between her and one of the boys, I'd vote yes for her.

Though I never vote for reality show competitions.

I love to watch 'em. But I don't vote. Never have. Except once.

I voted for David Cook. One vote. Texted. That was the only time. And that was because he's the only one I ever thought was actually entertaining and deserving. He won cuz he had actual talent and skill.

That brings me to More To Love.

Again, don't know why I watch.

There's only been one episode and it both annoyed and disgusted.

Annoyed and disgusted, because I hate it when people make out within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone. (And this boy did. Several girls.) At least wait till the second episode.

Any of ya'll ever hear of infectious mononucleosis?

It's tacky. And gross.

The word "desperate" comes to mind.

You're already proclaiming how hard it is for you to get a date cuz you're fat...don't go proving it by spit- swapping with a stranger...on public t.v..

(FYI, fat people date all the time. Could it be the bars your going to? If you want quality people, go to quality places.)

Here's a little self-worth for you.

Take it. Love it. Keep it warm.

I would sing "I Am a Child of God" for you all, if you could hear me.

I do have a favorite. Bonnie. Looking at her, she's not my type. But I love Bonnie. (Yes, you too, Sis.) Sarcastic, domestic, and very unaccepting of the patheticness surrounding her. At least for the moment. (She's the one right behind the dude's right shoulder.)

I like the hostess of the show. Emme. She was a plus-size model back when it wasn't cool to be plus-size.

I could be on this show, ya know. There are two girls that are my same height and weight.

Fortunately for me, I already got me a man.

Fortunately for me, again, he likes chubby girls. One chubby girl, to be precise.

(Now, before you all go gagging, I'll change the subject.)

While on the topic of plus-size...I love Drop Dead Diva.

This actress is awesome.

I hope Lifetime doesn't get me more hooked than I am and then cancels her. I'd be sore.

(Since we're already talking about the voluptuously blessed, can we lose the term "Extra Large" in our clothing. It's bad enough I have to go to the back of the rack (if I can find it at all). But then to be referred to as EXTRA large?!

Really, "large" is bad enough. But to be EXTRA-LY so?!

And I still haven't decided if I've forgiven you, Old Navy. XXLarge?? That hurts. No one wants to be doublely extra bigger than the skinny girls.)

Kudos to Lifetime. They now have 2 shows that are actually worth watching. (Including Army Wives.)

So, if I have to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 at the beach again, I'm done. We get it. You like the beach. And you go...ALL THE TIME!

In fact, I think I am done.

It's old, right?

It's not just me that thinks that, right?

The drama was interesting at first, but now it's just very sad. And old.

And grown men should not have both their ears pierced.

Unless they're Justin Timberlake or black or my brother.

Since we're visiting TLC, what about this I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant show?

I'm so fascinated by it.

Having been pregnant once, I can't imagine how someone could just not be able to tell. Especially when they're 9 months along!

I do believe it's possible, it's just super hard to imagine how no "symptoms" could show up when you have a human being growing inside of you!

It would almost be nice. Not knowing. Cuz if you've ever been pregnant, you know how LOOOOOOONG 9 months can seem.

(My thoughts are with you, dear Christina. I hope all is going well!)

So, that's about enough t.v. for me right now.

Speaking of wasting time, did you read the article in the Ensign this month?

As long as I don't become a couch potato, or a fritterer, or lazy, I'm all good here.


  1. Haha, Amy I love you! You have my perspective on EVERYTHING and you say it so perfectly!

  2. ps. how do I add the link to the ensign article to my blog? you're amazing at that stuff.
    will you email me at fivekidsand3labs@hotmail.com the instructions.
    and our family blog is theronandladonnacookfamily.blogspot.com
    Thanks Amy!

  3. Oh, the things you miss when you don't get TV. I really liked watching So You Think You Can Dance. I have never seen an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, but I am already tired of that whole mess. You are the epitome of Pithy TV Guide! Keep it coming! It will make me feel better about what I am not watching. :P

  4. ahhh amy, i love you!! oh how i miss you so! i am *happy* to say that the summer with it's lack of shows that i am hopelessly addicted to has pretty much freed me from my hold on tv! i do have a few shows that i still watch...but nothing with the zeal of before. UNFORTUNATLY...since we switched satelight providers, we have been surprised by having cinnemax available...i tell ya what, there happen to be a LOT of movies they have played that i had been wanting to see. haha! no rental fee, no memberships, no returning anything...just me and my dvr baby!!....and hours of wasted time. LOL perfect for when i am so hot and tired and swollen and cranky to even move! LOL

    but okay yeah that show "i didn't know i was pregnant" i have never seen...but i have been baffled by it. i can't comprehend how that would be. (especially as my due date is tomorrow)i am intruiged by the conscept but i can't make myself watch it...not yet. give me a few weeks to get the whole pregnancy frustration out of my system first! but i WILL be viewing it.

    (and that pic...makes me want to cry!! ouch!)

  5. hahahaha! Amy, I love your blog, you crack me up. And So You Think You Can Dance is like the only show I acutally sit down to watch. I love Evan too, even though he wont win. I'm with you on the blonde chick also.... :)

  6. So what you're saying, Amy, is that you watch nothing but reality shows and Lifetime movies?

    I've never been so disappointed in you. :P

    Between these gay reality shows, procedural cop dramas, medical dramas, lawyer dramas, and 24/7 news, there's just nothing on anymore that doesn't suck.

    Somehow, I think I need to go read some classical novel or an obscure book of poetry or maybe a Shakespeare play to offset the entropic effect all of this crap is having on our society.

    Or heck, maybe I'll just watch an awesome B-movie about walking sharks who menace out of control teenagers in a Canadian beachfront resort that was built on an ancient Egyptian temple erected to worship the horrific ancient eldritch beings that founded the civilizations of Atlantis and Mu and then sunk them in a fit of indignation when they began to stage "reality" plays in the theatron about lawyers and cops and doctors, and who are definitely considering doing it again to the continental United States for resuming this blasphemous tradition.

    I would so watch that movie.

  7. lol, I watch all these shows, except. the pregnant one. Lets see...
    Dating in the Dark... Love it, its dumb but its very entertaining! Its kinda nice though, when they are having seconds thoughts after they see them, and decide they had a great connection that outweights the looks dept.
    So you think you can dance! Just started watching it this year., I loved Randi, she was my fav and Im so sad, but jeanine is my second fav! It makes me want to get off the couch and dance to!. I love Hells kitchen, not because I really enjoy cooking, I just like when he yells at people.
    Drop Dead Diva! LOVE LOVE LOVE this show! she is so spunky and cute! :)
    ..More to Love.. I totally agree!! and why are the girls all, whiney and weird.. not cute and quirky, but just plain weird! and allot of them are unfortunate looking. It makes it seem like.. all "normal" sized girls are that way. But of course I'll keep watching, and there are allot of men out there who like "curvy" girls :) I think its sad that they seem so desperate. Mike is going to watch dating in the dark with me tonight,, maybe we should try that :) might bring us closer :)

  8. How long did it take you to write that comment, Dan?

  9. It's at times like these when I'm glad we don't have t.v., because I know I'm exactly the kind of person who would get sucked into watching all those dumb, mindless shows. Instead, I watch dumb, mindless movies...

  10. About five minutes, Nichelle.

  11. Okay, so I just discovered "dating in the dark" on Hulu last night. Stayed up until 1am watching the 1st 2 episodes! I don't know why I feel a strange attraction to this show...but glad that someone else is watching too!

    (It's me! Krista from FB)

  12. I haven't seen all of these shows, but I will admit that I've wanted to.

  13. Are most fat girls named Bonnie? Okay so let me tell you something--

    Dating in the Dark- reminds me of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark... and this show sounds like one...
    Hell's Kitchen- Gordon Ramsey is a fox...
    So You think You can Dance- I still only like Benji...
    More to Love- Skinny skanky chicks are bad enough- fat skanky girls are just nasty...
    Drop Dead Diva- I haven't watched it yet but I've been planning to. Lifetime is going to start Airing Project Runway on the 20th- I"M EXCITED!
    Jon & Kate Plus 8- I have always found this show to be crap. Its boring. Kate is a witch.
    Jon is a slut.
    I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant- Jeremy loves this show. I have no comment.

    You can't go wrong with shows on Disney.
    I really like to pick certain shows when their in season.
    I'm looking forward to Chuck... Is Life coming back?

  14. I watch all of those shows. Lots of reality shows. I disgustingly like them. We're not pathetic. And watching TV is TOTALLY relaxing.


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