A few minutes ago, the phone rang.
Caller I.D. said, "515-369-5805."
A guy with a heavy Indian accent came on.
"This is Joe with the U.S. Government National Do Not Call Registry Department."
"Uh, uh." ("Joe"...really? Should have put all that time you spent picking an American name into mastering an American accent.)
"After we hang up, you will be receiving a voicemail with a message containing a four digit passcode . You must write this pass code down and I will call you back in three minutes."
"Uh, uh." (Awesome. And since when did the government start outsourcing to India? Truly they would know this would cause outrage in Rush Limbaugh and Toby Keith.)
"The reason for this pass code is that it is the only way for this number to be registered in the National Do Not Call Registry to keep unwanted solicitors and telemarketers from being able to call you."
"Uh, uh." (You mean, like you? I wonder why I haven't hung up yet. Steve would have hung up before he even answered. Has he taught me nothing?! And I am registered with the Do Not Call Registry. How is it that I'm even having this conversation right now?...)
"Do you have a pen with you?"
"Uh, uh." (Yeah, right here next to my lightsaber and Elven warrior shield.)
"Okay. When we hang up you can let the call go straight to voicemail. You will get a (something-a-ruther-incoherent) from Craigslist. They are the ones sponsoring this government program."
"Uh, uh." (Outsourcing to India...giving out gov't program bids to online swapmeets. Is this part of the glorious-all-hail stimulus package? It does wreak of Obama...)
"Okay. I will call you back in three minutes."
I went over to the computer, eagerly awaiting this magical passcode that would make all right with the world, and did a reverse look-up on 515-369-5805.
So, I plugged the number into Google search.
It took me here.
Turns out this Indian guy is up to all sorts of no good sceamin'.
Then, the phone rings.
This must be the call I've been on pins and needles waiting for.
Some automated voiced lady comes on babbling about Craig's list and numbers and such.
I hang up.
Immediately, Apu calls back as promised.
"Did you get the passcode."
"I don't think so. You're not legit. If you call back, I'll call the real U.S. Government." (Yeah, cuz I those kind of ties.)
Seconds later, he calls again!
I'm very annoyed at this point.
"Yes. If you do not get the passcode you will not be protected..."
If you get a call from an Indian guy, just hang up.
If it hadn't already occurred to you.