land of la

I tried.

I really tried.

I can't do it today.

I have nothing for you.

But I'll say something interesting soon.

It may take a while. But the juices are momentarily dried up.

Wouldn't it be better that I write something interesting rather than babble on about how my friends and I used to stalk boys in high school, or how I used to ride the bus to school and the Phoenix heat would make my skin stick to the luscious green pleather seats, or how one time I let two strange boys pick me up and take me home one night while I was walking home from work in Provo?

I mean, I just don't have anything awesome to write at the moment.

Until then, enjoy the end of June and stay inside during the day.

The sun will fry you and you'll start to look old if you don't.

Use moisturizer and sunblock if you ignore me.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

There's nothing worse than being outside too long and getting a bad burn.

One time, (this is gonna be good), I went to the Snake River in Idaho. I have friend whose family lives right off the bank. We decided it would be a good idea to play outside all day without wearing sunscreen. I thought it'd be cool to get a nice tan. Um, excuse me...whose body did I think I had? Tanning is physically impossible for my skin. Total lapse in judgement.

Did I mention I was wearing a black tank top? And did I mention that I was 20 something and should have had the common sense? And did I doubly mention that I was no stranger to sunburns and I KNEW my skin's limits?

Apparently, I forgot to mention it to myself.

Cuz I went home and proceeded to have the ooiest, gooiest, nastiest, most burniest sunburn known to man. Sores and boils.

I'm happy to report that it was my last bad sunburn. Since then, I've grown a brain and have purchased SPF 60.

And you should too.

Never leave home without it.

White is the new tan.


  1. White is the new tan. :D

    I giggled.

  2. Whoa. That picture was scary...

  3. Amy, if you’re stuck for a subject, I’d like to suggest a thing or two.

    1. First of all, explain the ancient Zapotec medical practices you used to cure your Solar Urticaria in June of 2003, and why did you make me travel hundreds of miles through rough, scorpion-infested country to a plywood roadside tienda two kilometers outside of Compuertas, Mexico, and buy seven (seven) dragon fruit from that horrible old snake charmer with the cat-skull bolo tie and pink top hat? She was an alarming women, let me tell you.

    I mean really, I had to RENT a ’79 Ford Granada with gold spinners and an aftermarket spoiler for two-hundred and fifty bucks in Naco, drive that rattling death trap across 110 degree desert, and then I had to pay a cop some hefty la mordida to get those nasty fruits back across the border, and when I finally got back to SLC and took ‘em to your place, you just said, “thanks Dannyboy” and slammed the door in my face. I have to admit, I never saw the red boils on your ears again, so I guess it was worth it, but no explanation at all? Not the first time, either, I might add.

    2. You could also tell us what you think the REAL cause of death was for Michael Jackson, The King of Pop, and why you think I give a crap.

    3. So. What do you think of miniature bibles and haircuts and compressed air pogo sticks? Just curious.

    4. I’ve been hearing rumors about the Duchesne Redneck Ninja League that’s been training in the mountains north of your house. I hear dey got mad skilz. You seen any around? I hear they prefer lifted Ford trucks and baseball caps and Levis, and they often use dogs as early warning systems and perimeter security.

    5. And you know, thinking back, I never heard the story of what happened when you were attending Westminster College, and took that excursion to the old pirate haven of Amelia Island in Florida, to do research with the anthropology department and the Westminster College Mustache Club. The Mustache Club!?

    What was it that you found on that creaky old Victorian plantation? And why did you spend a week after you got back curled up in the fetal position on the couch, mostly asleep and talking about the Dry Tortugas and Kingfisher sloop in your fevered dreams? What do parched turtles and little birds have to do with anything?

  4. antidisestablishmentarianism

  5. Jeremy do you watch Phineas and Ferb?

  6. I love being outside during the summer day. I love the warm sun on my skin and the cool breezes that catch on my perspiration. I love the golden glow of summer on the cheeks of my kids. But, having said that, I use Spf 70 on my face and 30 everywhere else. I find I can enjoy the sun if I protect myself.

  7. I keep forgetting about sunblock,.. and I am so white Im nearly albino.. the sun doesnt see me often enough to even know who I am. I have cans of the stuff around the house but yet, I forget them like I forget the diaper bag whenever I go anywhere!. I lile.. White is the New tan :) Good idea


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