The point where I FEEL the fat living on me. Gross, maybe. But there's no other way to say it.
If you're fat, you know what I'm talking about. It's not just, "Gees, I could stand to lose a few pounds." It's, you look in the mirror and your top lip curls up in disgust and you wonder if you should really go in public looking all...burly.
Suddenly, you notice when any where you go is over 70 degrees. The sweat in between the rolls is a constant reminder.
It's not like the feeling of being pregnant-fat where you have one huge fat bump. When you're fat, you have rolls that eat the smaller rolls when you sit down...rolls that eat your waistband...rolls that eat your control-top nylons, (and that doesn't just feel uncomfortable, that plain hurts). Rolls will not be contained.
You miss your belly button. You wonder how it's doing. You wonder if it has suffocated and died. But you wouldn't know, cuz you haven't seen it in a while.
There's just nothing like it. No other problem is like being fat. Being fat is self-inflicted. It's really one of the only heath problems where people look at you and think, "Oh. My. Gosh. Becky. Look at her flab." Even alcoholics get a little more respect than that...people look on them with a disdainful pity. But fat people, you get to carry around the knowledge that you can actually make someone lose there appetite by your mere presence. How upsetting. Maybe that's how skinny people are staying skinny. (Let's go sit on them!)
If I didn't love food, this would not be a problem. Dr. Phil, Bob, and Jillian always talk about how people use food to fill some void...something in your past is making you stuff your face, you're bored, you're happy, you're sad, you're lonely, you just stubbed your toe...but I don't have a void. I just love how food taste. Good food anyway. I wish I had a void. Then I could fill it with the necessary therapy and be on my way.
I wish they had a Patch for eating. Fat people have every bit the chance of dying that smokers do. So why not? I'll tell you why not, cuz the weight-loss industry is one of the biggest on the planet! If they (the Great & Powerful THEY) came up with something so simple as the Paunchy Patch, the world economy would crash...even more. I mean, really, fat people put more money into the economy than anyone. First, with what they spend on the getting fat part. Second, with what they spend on the getting skinny part. Third, with what they spend on the giving up part.
So really, I'm fat because of the government. This is good. I've had a breakthrough. Though it still won't help me.
The problem is, I love the process. The process of baking and making. The process of something coming out of the oven and being all gooey and sugary and fresh.
Oh, Sugar. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be me...and I could add a couple decades to my life.
I need a new hobby. I'm like an alcoholic that moonlights as a bartender. I love to be in the kitchen and I can't help but eat my creations. I don't want my masterpieces to go to waste. There are, after all, starving children in Africa. I truly eat for them. I am a saint. Bless my heart.
While I'm remembering, I made an applesauce cake yesterday that I must share. It's not too sweet, but really good and super moist. It has a crisp, thin sugar topping that adds the perfect crunch. It made a good breakfast.
Applesauce Snack Cake
|3/4||cup dried apples (2 ounces), cut into 1/2-inch pieces|
|1||cup apple cider|
|1 1/2||cups flour|
|1||teaspoon baking soda|
|2/3||cup sugar (4 3/4 ounces)|
|1/4||teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg|
|1/8||teaspoon ground cloves|
|1||cup unsweetened applesauce , room temperature|
|1||large egg, room temperature, lightly beaten|
|8||tablespoons butter (1 stick), melted and cooled slightly|
1. Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 325 degrees. Cut 16-inch length parchment paper or aluminum foil and fold lengthwise to 7-inch width. Spray 8-inch square baking dish with nonstick cooking spray and fit parchment into dish, pushing it into corners and up sides; allow excess to overhang edges of dish.
2. Bring dried apples and cider to simmer in small saucepan over medium heat; cook until liquid evaporates and mixture appears dry, about 15 minutes. Cool to room temperature.
3. Whisk flour and baking soda in medium bowl to combine; set aside. In second medium bowl, whisk sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. Measure 2 tablespoons sugar-spice mixture into small bowl and set aside for topping.
4. In food processor, process cooled dried-apple mixture and applesauce until smooth, 20 to 30 seconds, scraping sides of bowl as needed; set aside. Whisk egg and salt in large bowl to combine. Add sugar-spice mixture and whisk continuously until well combined and light colored, about 20 seconds. Add butter in three additions, whisking after each. Add applesauce mixture and vanilla and whisk to combine. Add flour mixture to wet ingredients; using rubber spatula, fold gently until just combined and evenly moistened.
5. Turn batter into prepared pan, smoothing top with rubber spatula. Sprinkle reserved 2 tablespoons sugar-spice mixture evenly over batter. Bake until wooden skewer inserted in center of cake comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Cool on wire rack to room temperature, about 2 hours. Run knife along cake edges without parchment to release. Remove cake from pan by lifting parchment overhang and transfer to cutting board. Cut cake and serve.
How do you not pig out?
I want to know.
Do you just not like food?
Do you not see food as one of the joys this world has to offer?
Do you really use it as something only to sustain life and nothing more?
It's mystifying to me. Just absolutely mystifying.