Baby Sleeping Pill
Someday, it will happen. Some run of the mill genius will be experimenting in the ole la-bor-atory when she, (and I say "she" because a "he" wouldn't care, he'd just nudge his wife), will finally create it. The wonderful, magnificent, new and impossible to improve...Baby Sleeping Pill! Oh, this will be a grand pill! Your child will only have to take it once, ever! (Preferably, in vitro...don't ask me how, but it will be possible!) The only side affect will be that it neutralizes all bad cells or genes that could one day be cancerous! Oh, the joy it will bring! No more will mothers of the world have to wake up fifty times a night to calm a screaming child! Gone are the days of night time bottles or pacifiers or "I want a drink Mommy!" Your child will be pacified by the fabulous and gentle organic chemicals! (This is my dream, and in it, organic chemicals exist.) This pill will have an extremely slow time release that will last approximately 4 1/2 years. It will cause the child to become drowsy every night around, oh, whenever you want!!--cuz you can choose between the 7 PM, the 8 PM, 9 PM, 10 PM, and yes, for you night owls, the 11 PM Pill! It will keep the child in a beautiful, quiet, happy state of slumber for a lovely 10-12 hours! Need to wake baby up for before the 10-12 hours are up? NO PROBLEM! The simple remedy is a spoon full of sugar, (in the form of any fruit juice)! No more will your child determine how much sleep you will get! It's all up to you, YES YOU! This pill will be absolutely free to all!
Don't think you need something to keep your baby asleep all night?! Or maybe you're one of those people who by some fat chance got an "easy" baby that just "sleeps all night?!" Then let me just say as Chairman of the IHHAGNSSMCWBs, "=P````````````````````!"